A Page From My Black Book: Half Crazy

((My Black Book is a journal I started in high school filled with emotions, pain and hurts. There is a page from it I wanted to share. There will be more pages to come))



Half Crazy

Will I ever understand women? I don't know. But how does a young man try to reveal his feelings without looking like a punk, or a chump. How do I say I want to be with you for a lifetime without having you think I'm a sensitive pretty boy with a so called 'feminine side". I want to show you the world, let you into the deepest sectors of my heart and pull out the pain that I feel. Then you can come in and replace it with your loving kindness that comes only from our connection. But I'm going half crazy trying to figure you out. One day I won't receive nothing less than love. Then the next day not a single word would some out of your mouth. I don't understand. How do you go from sweet kisses on the cheek and holding hands to the point where you can't even look at me in the face when I see you in the hallway. Damn! What is a man to do? Should I stay , trying to read your mind. Hoping that this "more than friends but less than lovers" relationship we have will expand into something bigger than the both of us. Or should I leave your nest and move on to another bird because the time I spend trying to figure you out could mine as well be spent with another girl who knows how to speak with her mouth. Either way, it doesn't matter which option I choose because every time I try to put you in the past or leave you in the dust something just keeps pulling me back. So I'm going half crazy, sprung off this chick. Mesmerized by her mind but cursed all at the same time, because I truly don't understand her kind. The chemistry is mental and her body language speaks stories, to say the least. She's more than sexy but I don't even want to creep in her bed sheets. But when it comes to words we're at a stand still, like someone put two zip-lock bags across our mouths and threw away the key. I guess you can call it "mind-sex", but how does that help us advance from the spot we're in now. So I'm going half crazy trying to stay strong and move on but in the back of my mind something wants me to hold on... to what we had.

Half Crazy